heavy blossoms fell last night with the rain. i tossed them into the compost pile this morning with hot, creamy cup of earl grey in hand, as i bid them make my soil rich. there's another storm coming, and the air is pregnant with rain.
in tarot readings, there are a handful of cards that make you sit up straighter. i drew Death, The Hanged Man, The High Priestess and Temperance. these major arcana represent the forces of life over which i have no control. indeed, these specific cards represent, respectively:
transition. letting go of the past. returning to simplicity. riding my Fate. moving from known to unknown.
sacrifice. emotional release. relinquishing control. taking time to be. surrendering to experience.
waiting. allowing. withdrawing from involvement. seeking inner guidance. mystery. intuition.
centering. finding middle ground, equilibrium. recovering. healing. flourishing. synthesis.
i have put myself "out there." now it's time to turn inward and wait.
i am horrible at waiting. for all the patience i have as a yoga teacher and artist--waiting while my students drop into the space of relaxation, creating tiny beauty with my hands--when it comes to allowing my life to unfold as it is ready, i have all the patience of a sheepdog herding her flock. which is silly, because i cannot rush myself into realizing my highest potential anymore than i can force flowers to rot.
ironically, the Priestess is my favorite card. she is all that is unknown. she is the lucid dreamer, the stargazer. she celebrates the moon in all its phases, preferring the dark and the shadow because they are the house of the soul. she needs not wage war because destruction, death and rebirth are already occurring. she recognizes that life is lived both forwards and backwards--that we are what we will ever become.
lying in savansana once i had a vision: the soul, in some cosmic waiting room looking out upon the entire Universe, gets to choose what human life it wants to live. depending on its karmic level, it sees a summary of each possibility--with its black lows and jubilant highs--and makes its decision. it forgets what it is, reminded by art, poetry, music, dancing, the heartbreaking resplendence of the sea--by the stars, by moments of hopeless despair, every time it falls in love. all is decided because Fate is a thread: but the thread must be woven, seen through to the last warp. (this is a weaving term, yes? come on, all you weavers! challenge me if it is not!)
i am beginning to read James Hillman's The Soul's Code, because--as always--i am seeking. he posits that there is a daimon in us all, a guardian that guides us to our highest selves at all costs. the more we ignore, medicate, numb, oppose, repress the daimon, the more awake it becomes. it is charged with our care because it loves us with a fierce love like blue fire. it loves us more that we love ourselves. when we are aligned with it, we feel whole and nourished. but it takes courage to stay aligned.
so i will wait. i will relinquish control and surrender to experience. i will be: with my close-set eyes and my petty insecurities...with my passionate voice and my depression...with my road rage and my tenderness.
i will be.
in tarot readings, there are a handful of cards that make you sit up straighter. i drew Death, The Hanged Man, The High Priestess and Temperance. these major arcana represent the forces of life over which i have no control. indeed, these specific cards represent, respectively:
transition. letting go of the past. returning to simplicity. riding my Fate. moving from known to unknown.
sacrifice. emotional release. relinquishing control. taking time to be. surrendering to experience.
waiting. allowing. withdrawing from involvement. seeking inner guidance. mystery. intuition.
centering. finding middle ground, equilibrium. recovering. healing. flourishing. synthesis.
i have put myself "out there." now it's time to turn inward and wait.
i am horrible at waiting. for all the patience i have as a yoga teacher and artist--waiting while my students drop into the space of relaxation, creating tiny beauty with my hands--when it comes to allowing my life to unfold as it is ready, i have all the patience of a sheepdog herding her flock. which is silly, because i cannot rush myself into realizing my highest potential anymore than i can force flowers to rot.
ironically, the Priestess is my favorite card. she is all that is unknown. she is the lucid dreamer, the stargazer. she celebrates the moon in all its phases, preferring the dark and the shadow because they are the house of the soul. she needs not wage war because destruction, death and rebirth are already occurring. she recognizes that life is lived both forwards and backwards--that we are what we will ever become.
lying in savansana once i had a vision: the soul, in some cosmic waiting room looking out upon the entire Universe, gets to choose what human life it wants to live. depending on its karmic level, it sees a summary of each possibility--with its black lows and jubilant highs--and makes its decision. it forgets what it is, reminded by art, poetry, music, dancing, the heartbreaking resplendence of the sea--by the stars, by moments of hopeless despair, every time it falls in love. all is decided because Fate is a thread: but the thread must be woven, seen through to the last warp. (this is a weaving term, yes? come on, all you weavers! challenge me if it is not!)
i am beginning to read James Hillman's The Soul's Code, because--as always--i am seeking. he posits that there is a daimon in us all, a guardian that guides us to our highest selves at all costs. the more we ignore, medicate, numb, oppose, repress the daimon, the more awake it becomes. it is charged with our care because it loves us with a fierce love like blue fire. it loves us more that we love ourselves. when we are aligned with it, we feel whole and nourished. but it takes courage to stay aligned.
so i will wait. i will relinquish control and surrender to experience. i will be: with my close-set eyes and my petty insecurities...with my passionate voice and my depression...with my road rage and my tenderness.
i will be.
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| love, 2003, acrylic on canvas |
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