crossroads

just when i felt i had the next 3 years of my life roughly planned out, BOOM!

but isn't that the story of my life?

so, it's back to researching grad schools.  what do i want out of a graduate program?  wouldn't i be content to paint commissions, teach yoga part time and live from paycheck to paycheck, worrying about whether or not my car will make the drive home from work each time?

ANSWER: not really.

i'm hungry to learn.  i need to manage my time better.  i want to see India and the Galapagos Islands and the Great Barrier Reef before i die, and for that i need time and money.  it would also be fantastic to have a car that doesn't require duct tape to hold it together.  an MFA is my meal ticket.  plus, if i don't find an art community where i'm going, i'm afraid i'll eventually lose interest in making art.

The candidates:

(1)  UC Berkeley, MFA Art Practice.  expensive, competitive, deep in the heart of Hippieland.  i would definitely fit in at Berkeley, but my undergrad experience at UCSD was less than awesome.  i get my own studio, but i won't be able to rely on public transportation to get there.  way to "go green," Berkeley.

(2)  California College of the Arts, MFA Fine Arts.  ridiculously expensive, 24-hour access to my own studio in San Francisco proper.  i like the fact that i won't just be investing in more figure drawing and landscape painting courses...they ask questions like, "So, i can paint...what now?  How is this relevant to a world in which most people have never heard of Betye Saar?"

(3)  California Institute of Integral Studies, MFA Creative Inquiry.  vague, but interesting title.  less expensive than CCA, but no studio space.  Not your typical art school snobbery, this program is similar to the one at JFKU, my first choice.

(4)  Academy of Art University, San Francisco, MFA Painting.  this is a long program (3 years).  no studio space.  rolling admissions mean i don't have to wait an entire year to start.  the electives don't sound all that fascinating.

(5)  Stanford University, MFA Art Practice.  UBER-COMPETITIVE!  Only 5 of 125 applicants are accepted.  GRE is required for admission (but scores are not considered...do i even have to pass?) and expensive to apply.  if accepted, tuition is paid IN FULL through fellowships and work-study.  i could be a teacher before getting a job as a teacher.  possibly no social life.

i guess i'm looking for a institution where i can balance alone-time in my studio with stimulating discussion in the classroom.  i'd like to build on my technical skills, but be encouraged to remain a human being who can hold a conversation with someone at a party.  i want to feel prepared when i hand my resume to the department chair at the University of Awesomeness Where I'd Like to Spend the Next 10 Years of My Life Teaching.  i want to feel supported, but challenged.  i want to find my niche.

all of this reflection on my life and my future is freaking me the hell out.  i ate chocolate for breakfast AND second lunch. (don't worry; i also ate a banana and some high-fiber bread.  lots of water.)  good thing it's friday.  i could use a dip in the pool and possibly some green vegetables.

speaking of food, i can't remember the last time i purged.  i'm pretty sure it has been more than a month...go, me!  if i could get As in my undergrad classes at UCSD while i was brainstarved and on the verge of heart attack, who knows how i might perform at Stanford...



* influential mixed-media artist from the Feminist Art Movement of the 1960s and 70s.  gurrrlllll, shoot.