call me an idealist, a romantic...because i am. it's fine, guys, i've come to terms with it.
this is not to say that i do not understand reality. i may have led a relatively sheltered life, but i am not unaware...in fact, i am quite empathic; i pick up on a lot of things other people don't, and i feel things that others are feeling.
i've slept in my freezing cold car before, having no place else to go. i understand despair, hopelessness and humiliation. i've felt the pain of broken bones, sliced skin, sore feet, exhausted muscles. i've had to scrape for food, going to sleep hungry, waking up hungry. i've wandered--by myself--all over the state. i've been threatened with arrest for trespassing. i've experimented with all kinds of drugs. i've been inside three mental hospitals, lived in close quarters with people who have been forgotten by society, drugged into a stupor and quarantined to their rooms for days at a time. i've felt the malicious intent of men who perceive sex as a sport. i've listened as a 12-year-old described her disgust at the fat on her legs and declared she wanted to kill herself. i've died and woken up intubated: breathing with the help of a respirator. this might not mean much to someone who has experienced war, divorce, the death of a family member, or cancer, but for a person who is extrasensitive, these things carry a similar weight.
the messages that have caught my eye today have all been similar: we create our lives.
exhibit A: "people have forgotten that they are not here to be consumers; they are here to be creators, artists; they are here to deliver their gifts, talents and skills so that society evolves." (Rev. Michael Beckwith)
exhibit B: As we move through the world, we make a statement, whether we intend to or not. The way we speak to people, or touch them, shifts the energy more profoundly than almost anything else. The words we speak and the tone in which we say them are the music we
choose to play in the world that is our home. Some of us fill the space with passionate arias,
others with healing hymns. Again, one is not better than the other. We are all called to
contribute... Just as we consciously create an environment within our homes, we can consciously choose to decorate life itself with our particular energy. Ideally, in doing so, we express our deeper selves, so that the adornments we add to the world make it more meaningful, more beautiful, and as welcoming as a beloved home.
dailyOM, 11/17/09
and, lastly: "When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece." (John Ruskin)
so many people i meet are addicted to negativity. i grew up with it on a daily basis, right alongside my macaroni and cheese. maybe i'm overcompensating in my adult life by believing that there is hope and transformation in forgiveness. maybe i'm deluded that love heals all wounds. maybe i am wrong to think that there is someone out there who has been through a shitload and still refuses to become jaded and cynical. i don't know for sure, but i reflect on that which drives me and i know that these beliefs do.
i guess the issue that has really surfaced for me these days is: is there anyone who views sex as sacred anymore? does anyone view anything as sacred anymore? we are so disconnected from our bodies that we cannot perceive imbalance until it smacks us in the face, causes a trip to the E.R, or leaves us incapacitated for days at a time. we want more, we want better, we want sexier, and so we are not in the present. we live in the future and we live in the past and so we cannot fully experience the abundance we already have. we take out our anger and frustration with individuals from our past on subsequent partners. we become so focused on temporary pleasure that we forget it will not fill the larger emptiness we feel inside our very souls.
sex is not possession. don't make me insert Poltergeist references here. it's not something to be taken lightly. i'm not suggesting that sex is reserved for marriage, that we can't take pleasure in it, or that it is in any way shameful. but the way i've heard most people talk about it makes it sound like a video game...an escape. "Well, if she isn't going to play MarioKart with me, I'll have to go find someone else who will." Be inquiring. Be creative. Be attentive. Be respectful. Be loving--unconditionally.
we make things sacred with the use of intention. we are not separate from God...we are Divine. so why not make every event holy? if we feel we are missing sacredness, why don't we create it instead of waiting for it?
what would this look like? well, we can start by listening to our partners. asking them how they're feeling. respecting their right to have emotions. talking to them without anger or malice. being honest. being gentle. being kind. being selfless. being encouraging. setting boundaries. compromising.
what is a masterpiece? a work of art that causes our breath to catch in our throats, or brings tears to our eyes. it makes us feel connected to something greater than ourselves. what creates a masterpiece? time, care, effort, love, dedication, awareness. why shouldn't all of our relationships be masterpieces?
everyone has an inner child. we forget that every single person we meet just wants to be loved, cherished, accepted and nurtured. why do we forget this so easily?
okay, i'm just rambling at this point. i realize that some of the things i say might be hypocritical. they might not make sense, they might not be properly supported with examples. but the wheels in my head are turning, and i just can't believe that some people can have such a lack of awareness. there are so many mixed messages we send. no wonder i'm terrified of having children.
i guess i need to focus my own energy on creating the life i want...making it beautiful, sacred, divine, fun and genuine by being the same.
thanks for reading.
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